Understanding Shuichi
by XIIVA
Summary: Eiri and Shuichi finally reach equilibrium only to find that their balance has tilted yet again. Not everyone gets a "Happily Ever After" …. or maybe some are just extremely hard to work for.
1. Birth of Yuki Eiri

_Eiri and Shuichi finally reach equilibrium only to find that their balance has tilted yet again._

_Not everyone gets a "Happily Ever After" …._

_or maybe some are just extremely hard to work for._

-Story is rated T and may change to M as it develops. Criticism is welcome by all as long it's constructive. The pairing right now is mainly Eiri/Shuichi but I'm willing to listen to opinions.

Thank you and please R&R

CHAPTER MAKEOVER AS OF _05-10-14_

**Disclaimer:** If I happened to own Gravitation – lets just say the story would still be ongoing *wink* *wink* - Why did you stop Maki Murakami?

* * *

**Prologue:**

**Birth of Eiri Yuki**

_Shuichi Shindou, a name that once made me grit my teeth with irritation was now one that brought some sense of balance to my life. Now I feel like I might tip off to side completely. _

_The brat crawled his way into my life and I let him probably because a part of me wanted him to. That persistent brat actually had the audacity to come to my door with his luggage and I let him stay. I adapted to the screaming of my name once I entered my home everyday and soon it was all I looked forward to. My emotions were always hidden with him because I didn't know how to react to such love – the love I never received from my own parents. It wasn't just sex – it was more and that scared me. I think that's evidence enough that maybe he was just what I had been missing all my life. This kid actually made me feel scared. Now I'm sitting here in this hospital room hoping he'd wake up not only for his own survival but mine as well. _

"_Don't you see Shuichi? I need you." I said to the lifeless body that was now Shuichi._

_He was supposed to be with me for life, and now, staring at my ring, I spend my time sitting at my lover's bedside thinking on my journey up to this point._

* * *

I've always had an answer for everything – whether or not that answer would be a smart-assed one would depend on the person it was directed at. Any obstacle in my life I've overcome with little to no difficulty because I had to, if I didn't I fear I would have broken; shattered into an infinite amount of pieces – impossible to reassemble. Thus, I made sure to maintain an image of perfection the best I could. Back at home, my morning would consist of looking at my reflection, correcting every flaw, and practicing all my facial expressions for any possible scenario as if I were auditioning for the latest Broadway show.

Shit, what a joke. If only that wretched Tohma had walked in right then with his overkill fluffed-up-thing of a jacket. He would have wondered what I'd been taking and I'd be in for a most boring heroic display of_ "I'm always here to talk?"_ and, worst of all, "_You should have dinner with Mika and me, Eiri. She's concerned for you– don't you think some change would be good for you?"_. Don't you think I bloody know that you optimistic prick?! I don't need to act anymore than I have to. I already have too much excess energy, anger and sadness that needs to be released as soon as possible.

It was another day in the life of Eiri Uesugi, something new actually happened. Trish Livok, my psychologist, (and now trusted friend) gave me an idea I actually might consider-not that I told her that. The woman already had the upper hand by knowing about my past and my actual feelings.

"Eiri, you should try channeling some of your feelings into a hobby of some sort. I've had many patients who have incredibly improved by taking the time to do things they love.." I must have telegraphed somehow, because she frowned and folded her arms, further emphasizing those impressive tits. "No, don't look at me like that, this may sound simple; however in this day and age everyone is too damn busy to actually think about doing what he or she WANTS. Do you understand? Also, think about this as a preventative too, because it would prevent those feelings from being reflected in negative behaviors such as the over consumption of drugs, self-mutilation, and worse. So Eiri, what do you like to do? Dance, play a specific sport, read, create your own music? The option varies and you should never be ashamed of what it is. Think of the benefits." She explained.

It took a good moment for me to absorb that information, realizing just how much she actually made sense. I had always admired her open mind and opinions. That and her perfect tits; for some reason they're perfectly circular and plump. How can one simply ignore such a beauty?

"Sounds like a shitty idea, toots but I'll let you know." I said as I smashed the ashes of my cigarette into her ashtray. I stretched my legs on the couch and saw how bright the New York lights had gotten and knew that it was almost time for me to leave.

"Alright, just wanted to give you some helpful advice since that is what you pay me for. It doesn't hurt to try. It's not like you're going to embarrass yourself if you like to dance like a freak or sing in the shower." She sighed exasperatedly, and I waited for it…."Oh, and Eiri love?" I raised my head up looking straight into her blue eyes signaling that she now had my full attention. Here it comes... "During your next session, try staring at my face if at me at all. These precious girls can't be hogging all the attention." She got up with a smile, swayed her blond hair and opened her office door.

"Good night, Eiri."

I didn't reply.

* * *

I took the usual path home, but something caught my attention.

"ESMA, BAE PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!"

I could already sense this man's distress. Tall, African-American, with a well-built body structure that looks like it would take an army to break him, was now sitting on the grass, leaning against a tree as support. It was clear he was referring to the exotic-looking, tanned female standing a few feet away from him who had a Bitch-Don't-Fuck-With-Me kind of aura.

"There's nothing to listen to. How could you do that to me? I spent all week trying to find the right outfit for tonight, making sure I knew what to say, how to act so I don't embarrass you. I thought we actually improved, ya know? Didn't we work past it? My parents know about you, Erik, and do you know the shit I've been through for you?!"

Now I stood behind a large tree, immobile, due to curiosity. I've always taken a liking to new things in my schedule. At this point I was confused, what struggle could they have, really? They both appeared to be about the same age, probably attended the same college judging by the area and "Erik's" jacket. Maybe this Esma was a stripper, a self-proclaimed dancer who sleeps with men on the side for extra cash. They were both their actual genders and heterosexual… right? It couldn't be race, not in this day and age, so what could the problem be?

Forget leaving, I had to find out.

"Hun, I tried, believe me I tried but you have to understand what I did was for the better. Now we don't gotta worry about my parents and just concentrate on graduating and leaving from 'er. If it's anyone besides you and me, forget'em. They don't understand what we have…"

The screaming that overlapped his loving explanation was too cruel for words.

"…AND WHAT DO WE HAVE HUH? I had to sit at a dinner with my boyfriend of two years with his parents for the first time, only to find out they're fucking racist?! So, I'm Christian now, Erik?! Because that's what you told 'em! Yes, some of us are Christian but only a minority! Did you see how relieved they looked when you said that? Then they went on and on degrading my people while I had to eat that bland chicken and salad acting like I agreed. I could have left right there and then. But did I? No, because I needed to hear more. My parents told me that other people would hurt me, but I didn't believe it until tonight."

Now I understood. The lady before me was of the Islam faith. No wonder I didn't see it – who "sees" religion?

"I know! And I'm sorry babe. This will be the last time you'll see them okay, just give it some time."

She walked closer as if she was going to kiss him only to stop mere inches before. "…No love because no matter how long we wait nothing will change. I want to get married soon, have some brats runnin' around and have two united families. I don't know about you, but family is extremely important in my culture so what do I tell my kids when they want to see their grandma and granddaddy, mmmm? That they died? Erik, please, they'll look at my kids the way they looked at me… and you know what they saw?"

It took all my concentration to hear her whispers. The man was only trembling, trying to form words, but was at a lost. The lady walked away, then slowly turned around. "What they saw and always will see…"By now I was moving my head from the tree a bit more - I could see she pointed and smiled. "…is that."

My eyes followed her frail finger and my heart could only cringe. The memory was still raw in my mind – in the whole city's. She walked away in silence with the man not even bothering to follow her. If I was him, I wouldn't either, because her statement couldn't have been more accurate. I left immediately after, only to think about what I had witnessed.

I can still imagine Erik, stone cold from shock, sitting near the tree, staring-at **Ground Zero**.

* * *

Love is such a complicated thing in this world. It has to be real and not some myth because why else would we create such a hurtful thing in our already complicated lives on this planet? I've been through it once as a naive, little child only to be-wait, I won't even go there. I can easily imagine love as this evil entity – not some obese child floating in the air with an arrow covering his little dignity with a rag-but this semi-transparent black fog that traveled the world engulfing people in its path. If it had a warning label, it would probably read, '_upon capture by this fog, the following symptoms may apply: false hope, purpose, and determination with a heart-breaking sense of betrayal when you realize everything was false, closely followed by withdrawal. Some casualties may occur varying from the withdrawal period all the way to recovery. For best results, avoid entirely_.'"

Ironically "love" became my savior. Simply because I contemplated all the ways it could go wrong. I took up my old college hobby and sat in front of my laptop and started writing. Everything just flowed; my fingers became fluid over my keyboard. With each word I could feel the weight on my shoulders being lifted. A million ideas for love, then a trillion more for "forbidden" love- not just the Romeo and Juliet type, but of all the barriers that could be broken made my hands itch. I had a weapon and exit for myself and was willing to use it to the best of my abilities.

My first draft was done faster than I could have imagined. With months of it in my possession I realized I had to get some kind of feedback or I'd go insane with the thought of "how was it?" Sending it to anyone wasn't an option, but it didn't take me long to figure out a solution. I slightly mentioned what I had completed to Trish just so she could pester me again and again to see it claiming patient confidentiality. Soon enough, I acted like I gave in and gave her a printed draft. I honestly didn't know what to expect. I mean she was honest – too honest if you ask me. She never even mentioned the draft at all until four, long sessions after. I tried to ask prior, but didn't want to blow my cover of seeming calm when, really, I was ecstatic.

"Eiri, before we begin this session, have you done anymore work on your writing?"

I simply stated no, that was my only one since college. I couldn't get a sense of her feelings because she was looking at the ground. I knew something was wrong because she never once mentioned my staring at her perfect tits since I gave her the draft – and boy was I grilling hard just to get something out of her. She eventually lifted her head, locking eyes with me.

"From a psychoanalytic view, I can understand on why Rein killed herself in the end."

"And what would that be?" I asked, trying not to show how tense I was becoming.

"Because the treatment was working."

She smiled as if she had solved world hunger. At that moment I knew giving my draft to my therapist had been a bad idea. They always tend to understand things better than the average reader.

"With her illness, growing up, she was always isolated, especially when she was going through psychotic episodes. No one wanted to be her friend and her parents were ashamed of her. She finally gains some independence and learns how to deal with her hallucinations and delusions. They may disrupt her day-to-day life such as the voice on the radio speaking out to her and the people randomly dying in the street, but she became used to them.

Rein moves out and starts her life at Hansang University after being accepted to her international program. There, no one knows of her illness and she can keep it well hidden since she's now an adult. Some time goes by, as you can clearly see in the book."

She flipped through my draft as she leaned down her chair with her legs crossed. Those shiny long legs were like a passageway to the light at the end of the tunnel. She smiled the type of smile any man would be weak in the knees for, but I knew better. That was the smile of death and a warning to stop staring.

"Anyways," She continued, "she meets third year student named Ahn SeungTae, and zoom through, I can tell they're meant to be together. They basically spend all their time alone, and as time progresses, Tae is turning more and more perfect for her. He shows her around and even helps her learn the language. Problems arise because she notices how she never meets his friends. Its not like she can introduce him to any herself since she's an introvert. She asks for his social media info only to find out he doesn't have any – I may be old, Eiri, but that's creepy even for me."

Once again, I should have found a 'normal reader' because a 'normal reader' would have thought Tae's just a hippy but she actually caught the foreshadowing. Her gaze was judging, but she didn't allow for a reply, continuing on smoothly with her narration.

"He is eventually told about her illness and that she's thinking of treatment because she wants to have a fulfilling life with him. He keeps discouraging the idea – which is very weird by the way – claiming that it's a part of her and she should keep it. Tae eventually graduates and Rein attends Hansang herself and gets visits from Tae eventually. Rein finally joins the social world while still hiding her schizophrenia – mmmm interesting, why she doesn't receive treatment yet is beyond me. She then becomes close friends with Kim Yun-Seo and tells her all about Tae.

Rein wants them to meet, but things always come up. Yun-Seo starts to not believe in the "Tae" and just dismisses the idea, not trying to hurt her new friend, of course. Years go by into graduation and Rein gets a job offer at an advertising company in the book known as SHERA. Tae attends graduation and is seen in the crowds only to not be seen in the after party. Now tell me, Eiri, why is that?"

Her look was of pure determination. Her gaze caught my own as she laid the papers back onto her lap. I could tell she had her theories and she wanted them confirmed, fast.

"I'm guessing you're about to tell me." I received a heavy sigh as a response. I wasn't going to give in she was on her own.

"Rein secretly starts taking care of herself by seeking treatment in the form of therapy and drugs. The more she does this the more absent Tae becomes, and she believes that he found out and is now disappointed with her. She sees him one day in her room wondering how he got in. He claims he wants to elope and keeps talking about his ideas until she interrupts stating that he hasn't aged a day. She puts the pieces together to come to the conclusion that she had a relationship with a delusion for four years. Just so you know, visual hallucinations and delusions are rare in schizophrenia, very extreme." – she finished and looked proud of herself.

"You're not even going to ask me how she went sightseeing with him, and started learning Korean?" She couldn't have solved all the questions in my draft.

"Simple, really."

Of course because Livok knew all.

"When they found her body, her room was covered in newspapers, information on Korea, and multiple columns of books. Everything she learned and saw was projected back to her through Tae!"

"Did you understand because it was easy to figure out or…?"

"Oh please, you know my profession. I diagnosed this girl before she found out herself. From a normal person's point of view this had to be the most puzzling thing ever. I can imagine the end as a big BANG! Eiri, what in the world gave you this idea? What a tragic story! Tae was perfect simply because he was everything she wanted, its like he knew her, and turns out he did-literally. He was created from her subconscious – she wasn't even aware." She paused. Her hands were now up in the air. "Poor girl she still shouldn't have died – you actually made me shed a tear, my God!"

"I'm glad you actually appreciated and understood my work. I honestly don't know what overcame me it just flowed."

"Well I have some news Eiri – I have a cousin who is also an editor and works at the HarperCollins Publishers – she said she would read it if given the permission by you of course. What do you say? Mister author?" Her face glowed with excitement.

I was at the point in my life that I had nothing to lose and might as well try.

"I'm confident enough to try, I guess."

"Good because she wants a meeting at the Starbucks here tomorrow." Okay… I was confused at this point.

"Shouldn't she read it fi…"

"She did. Anyways session over, don't worry, you'll rock it tomorrow. I'll send you further details, now GET OUT!" She immediately jumped up and physically kicked me out like I was weightless and I don't think my lower lip could have been further away from my jaw.

Everything spiraled quickly since that day and now I'm staring at the Japanese copy of my first New York Best Seller "Truly Lonely" and headed back home. I can say improvement has been great. I've been at Narita International awaiting the arrival of the blond CEO. Life has been such a roller-coaster and I'm ready to start my journey back in Japan. I'm still trying to withhold my feelings and not think about the past, but my writing has saved me. Who knew that in a couple months time love would save me again in the form of a hyper pink boy?

* * *

_"You read and write and sing and experience, thinking that one day these things will build the character you admire to live as. You love and lose and bleed best you can, to the extreme, hoping that one day the world will read you like the poem you want to be."_

― _Charlotte Eriksson_

~XIIVA


	2. Endless Failure

_Eiri and Shuichi finally reach equilibrium only to find that their balance has tilted yet again. Not everyone gets a "Happily Ever After" …._ _or maybe some are just extremely hard to work for._

Story is rated T and may change to M as it develops. Criticism is welcome by all as long it's constructive. The pairing right now is mainly _Eiri/Shuichi_ but I'm willing to listen to opinions.

- Chapter Note: Anything Italicized is spoken in English.

CHAPTER MAKEOVER: 05-10-14

Thank you and please R&R

**Disclaimer:** Why write a fan-fiction if I could own the whole story and thrive off its fandom?

* * *

**SHUICHI**

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

I can only open my eyes a little bit and the harsh glow easily indicates that I'm in a white room. What in the fuck happened? Why does this place reek of bleach? I can feel all the tubes and wires within my body and I feel trapped. I moaned in agony.

"Nurse! He's waking up!"

There's an annoying sound in my right ear and someone's screaming for a nurse – ughh, seriously? I'm back at the hospital? It hasn't even been a month! I need to get out as soon as possible.

Now, if only I could move…

_One….Two…._

"Shuichi? Don't move okay, help is coming."

The panic in his voice caught my attention and I straightened to put a face to it. Zack? No, the voice was too deep. Not Hiro that's for sure. Wait! Where is Hiro!?

I struggled to sit up, my body refusing to move, my eyelids weighing a ton.

Hiro...Help me!

"I ….want Hiiiiro"

I finally got some movement in my body and fully opened my eyes to find myself staring at this foreign-looking man.

Jeez, how long was I out? My throat has never been so raspy. The strange looking foreigner got up and left the room only to be replaced by the nurse. She just starts speaking Japanese and asks how I am and checks my vital signs. She's probably checked my file or something, whatever.

– Ugh that stings!

I guess a warning is not a part of procedure and handling the patient with care isn't either. Can this lady leave? Like now?!

Time is passing by so slowly. Where is everybody?

This place doesn't even look familiar; it just doesn't seem or feel any way familiar. I'm beginning to get this eerie feeling climbing up my spine that I just can't seem to point out what it is. Did someone take my brain and scramble it while I was knocked out? What drugs was I even given? In my vulnerable state, I couldn't even tell them to fuck off! Oh, boy, if I had been awake! I can already imagine…

_"No Sir, I will not allow you to put that shit into my body." _I might have even stomped my foot for emphasis. What a way to look like a brat Shuichi! I snickered mentally. Odd...that sounds familiar … "brat". Why is it that when I repeat that word it's not in my voice? It sounded like that man that was here moments ago. No... it couldn't be.

Shit, I'm sooo confused my head's throbbing. What a horrible pulsing sensation.

Please, why am I so alone?

* * *

.

.

.

I feel a sensation on my left arm only to see Hiro. I'm so happy to see him and I can tell he is too. His smile always makes my worries go away. But wait… why is his hair brown? Wait a second…. It's longer! It's freakin' glorious and silky – When did Hiro become so damn … well _"damn"._

I guess I said that out loud because my fingers are now intertwined with his hair and he looks shocked.

"Shu? – What is the last thing you remember?"

He's stuttering. Why? Why is he even speaking Japanese? I know he wants to keep our culture but can the foreign man next to him understand us?

"We were going to our audition with the guys, why?" Well duuh.

"Yuki, its best if you leave."

Ooh so he is Japanese or at least part. Yuki as in blessings or happiness?

"What do you mean leave? I have a right to know what's going on and you better start explaining."

He looks infuriated and his face is priceless. Maybe its Yuki as in snow. He looks like his heart is made of ice! I find myself laughing. Hiro looks so sad and empathetic towards this man. A little_ too_ much if you ask me. Well, well I didn't know the great Hiroshi Nakano swung that way. The epitome of a flaming heterosexual is with this cute boy toy. Nice choice!

Seriously though, I need some answers."Hiro… who's….?" I was cut off. He put a finger on my lips to immediately keep me quiet.

"Shuichi, how are you feeling? Come on what's going on? What's wrong with Nakano's hair?" This Yuki bent down next to my bed and held my hands.

Guess I thought wrong. "Nakano"_ really_? Who calls him that anymore, dude?

"Why do you call him Nakano if he's your friend?" He is with Hiro anyways at least. "Why're you here? Who are you?" I continued as I snatched my hands away from him.

"Shit." Hiro exclaimed.

I guess that's what I wasn't supposed to say. The next thing I know I'm being swarmed by this tall brunette lady with red lipstick, another blond man, a kid with vomit-green hair, this geeky-looking fellow with a blue suit who looks like he has allergies or just cried and this Law and Order, blond American with a ponytail.

**Who…The…Hell…Are….These…People?**

"Hey kiddo, nice to see you up and talking. We were beginning to miss your yappy voice." The brown-headed lady was the first to speak. She swayed her hair. I guess she's together with the shorter blond man because of how they're holding hands. High class couldn't begin to describe this odd couple. I swear they could run the Yakuza….creepy.

Anyways before I can even get a word in this secretary-looking fellow starts crying. Seriously, I'm the one in the hospital though. "I'm sooo happy you're back Shu! I thought you were dead when I found you on the street on the way home." He sniffled exaggeratedly."Don't scare us like that again!" What is this man on and why is he so emotional? He looked like he was going through withdrawal. Ha! He left. No, more like he _ran_. Hiro can see my confusion and tells everyone to leave. This only gets more questions out of the crowd.

"Don't mind Sakano, Shuichi Shindou. I'm glad you're now recovering and look forward to see you in the studio practicing for your tour next month. The fans would have been devastated if you didn't recover in time, since a lot of time and money was spent on this. It's already sold out – now please be responsible this time because this reflects on us as professionals as well as my cousin's company."

I mind couldn't even process the information of what this boy told me. All I could think was that the youngest-looking fellow had the audacity to address me as some subordinate.

"Excuse me?" Next thing I know I'm off my bed to ring this kid's neck and Hiro is holding me down. He knows me too well, a flaw that is entirely my fault.

"Now Fujisaki, that's not the way to speak to someone who just woke up from a coma." Another voice stepped in. At least the blond man made the annoying green-headed brat shut up. He looked a little similar to that kid but didn't possess his traits.

"I assure you this does not reflect poorly on my company Shuichi. Now, how are you feeling?" He extended his hand and held out a bottle of water for me. I took it without hesitation not caring of my rudeness. However, the silence that engulfed the room as I drank my bottle was deafening. I guess they were waiting for me to talk. _Fine_.

"Thanks for the water." I nodded at the blond man. We caught each other's eyes and I could tell his grinning exterior hid more than what he let on. He clearly possessed power. Who else would wear real fur with black silk gloves?

.

.

.

- Crickets –

Still silence…. Did they seriously want more?

"Okay, now…" I was about to finish but Hiro had to interrupt, again.

"Everyone should leave – I assure you Shuichi is fine as you can see. Come back another time, its too soon for these questions." Poor Hiro looked too tired for words, I needed an explanation though.

"NO! Now listen. Hiro is trying to get you to leave because he knows that I don't know any of you. C'mon! I have some secretary guy crying claiming to have saved me, a brat calling me irresponsible, a married couple-probably- who are clearly too old for me to be friends with and a distressed foreign looking man on my left." As I said that I turned to him, completely ignoring Hiro's protests and everyone's stunned faces. "Who are you? Why were you the first one here when I woke up?"

"Shuichi, what's going on? Why are you acting like …?" I overlapped him because he wasn't even answering my question. I could tell he wouldn't anytime soon - _GREAT._

"_Also, why're we all speaking Japanese with an American sitting right there?"_ I stated in English as I pointed to a tall man with a blond ponytail. He was minding his own business the whole time I just had to point him out. I at least might get some answers out of him.

"I believe the proper question is 'Why are you speaking perfect English with no accent?' I assure you, I know Japanese Shuichi, as you should already know." His blue orbs glared into my very being as if he was tearing me apart and analyzing every inch of me.

**Whoa.**

He got up and walked towards my bed. Closer and closer he approached. I automatically sensed this as some interrogation, His aura screamed _COP_. Damn it, what crime did I commit this time?

"_I know the language because we are in Japan, aren't we?"_

What just came out of his mouth - Excuse me?

"_You have got to be fucking kidding me!"_

* * *

There is no way I'm back in this wretched country! I immediately got off my bed pushing Hiro aside and not giving a shit about it. I leave the room to see that the signs are in Japanese, the people are Japanese, and every bloody thing is in Japanese! I lost sensation in my legs and Hiro's hands are suddenly there to break my fall. He's supporting the only energy I have left and I keep hearing sweet sorrys in my ear. I could see we were causing a scene in the hallway – well fuck'em all!

Then it all hit me and life once again screwed me over with a big fat **"ha-ha".**

There's only one explanation for this. It all made sense now. Being in a different location, friendly faces only to be replaced by unrecognizable blurs and the weird feeling in my body.

I said the only thing I could say as everyone stormed out of my room into the hallways.

"I need a mirror – some kind of reflection. ANYTHING!" I screamed

The Yuki guy tried touching me again – but I didn't want him anywhere near me. I want his filthy hands off me!

Hiro helped walk me to this wall that was a mirror from floor to ceiling.

What was reflected back at me was my worst nightmare.

"He's" been here too long and I let him because I was too weak to fight him.

The lack of muscle mass – tanned skin and my hair! My handstravelled all over my body inspecting the changes, and I was now noticing how abnormal it looked. I lifted my shirt to see – ribs? There was nothing but skin and bone with little fat; no muscle - none at all.

My fingers dug into my hair without my even noticing that I was pulling it out. My breathing became more rapid.

I can't do this again! There was no way this was happening to me. What have I missed? Every time I'm one step forward I get thrown three steps back.

-Crack – I slammed the mirror.

My hands are on my ears muffling the voices of concern surrounding me.

"He's crashing!"

I feel men surrounding me and another sting on my right arm. I can't bring myself to care.

I just want to die.

* * *

_"The individual does actually carry on a double existence: one designed to serve his own purposes and another as a link in a chain, in which he serves against, or at any rate without, any volition of his own." -Sigmund Freud_

~XIIVA


	3. Invisible Soldier

_Eiri and Shuichi finally reach equilibrium only to find that their balance has tilted yet again. Not everyone gets a "Happily Ever After" …._ _or maybe some are just extremely hard to work for._

Story is rated T and may change to M as it develops. Criticism is welcome by all as long it's constructive. The pairing right now is mainly _Eiri/Shuichi_ but I'm willing to listen to opinions.

Chapter Note: This chapter will introduce some "other characters" but don't worry - they won't engulf the story.

Any dialogue in this chapter is in English. Profanity will be included so beware.

Thank you and please R&R.

CHAPTER MAKEOVER: 05-10-14

**Disclaimer:** My OC's wouldn't be called OC's if they weren't OC's would they - Nope.

* * *

**HIRO**

I'm sorry….I'm sorry…I'm soo sorry.

"_Hiro, I just wanted to say thank you." Shuichi pulled his eyes away from the sunset and locked them with mine._

_I knew that look and I didn't like it one bit._

"_What's there to be thankful for buddy? You know I always got your back." I had to slam it too, to show him I meant it._

'_You look soo depressed, c'mon cheer up….please?' I mused. This is the wrong setting to show any sign of stress, our feet are soaking in the shimmering water after all. The sun was setting and we could feel the cold sand under our fingertips. Only seagulls and rippling of the ocean could be heard in the distance._

"_Its just… I've been thinking. This could have gone really south, ya know. Instead I'm sitting here with my best friends… I just don't know – I just…" He's stuttering and straining for words - this is not good. His whole body language screamed __**NOT WORTHY!**_

"_Listen, you! Stop thanking me for something I would do without hesitation. Who wouldn't want to be friends with you dude?" His frown remained._

"_You don't get it, do you?" I asked and he looked even more confused._

_His self worth is so diminished he just assumes we'd abandon him the second we had the opportunity. I want to tell him we're family – I would do anything for him and I know he would do the same. As I was about to say it I can see this figure creeping up behind the now distracted Shuichi._

"_We're freakin' family dude! Duuh" He pounced. Ha – guess someone beat me to it. He popped up behind Shuichi only to scare the hell out of him. Probably every part of him too - I tried to suppress my giggling, but ended up bursting into loud laughter._

_"Yo." He stuck out a peace sign with the biggest "cheese" face he could make. His dark curly hair was once again sticking out in all directions._

_"Shit! Why did you do that man!?" Shuichi cried out. He never really could take a joke. It's not like I'm helping the situation since I'm still on the floor holding my guts._

"_Well ya'll were taking too long and came to kidnap you guys back but clearly I interrupted a – very – intimate – moment." He crossed his arms around his shirtless torso and puckered his lips to thin air while swaying his hips as he said this. He's always such an ass. Guess Shuichi thought so too as he hit him directly on the nose._

"_That's what you get for interrupting our moment then … fams." Shuichi cracked his knuckles with pride. Oh boy, I'm about to go into a laughing fit. _

_Despite being hit he also let out a loud laugh. It was practically written on his square forehead – __**MISSION ACCOMPLISHED **__– His guffaws caught another's attention not far away. _"_If you kids don't come this second, I'mma eat aaaalll this food. This is my first and only warning. I repeat this is my first and…" Another figure by the house started jumping in all directions and pointed directly to the barbeque table filled with 'our' food. The shine in his blue eyes and snide smile was proof he wasn't just joking. He walked back into the house._

_The three of us immediately patted the sand off our pants and sprung up following after him. "COMING!"_

_"Told you he wanted me to snatch y'all up. Who'll make it first?" Instigating again I see. Might as well join in to piss Shuichi off even further._

"_Naah, plus we all know who'd win." I stated it like it was a fact – 'cuz it was._

_Shuichi's offended face looked at mine but he didn't reply._

"_You guys seriously suck." He sighed in defeat._

"_Shuichi and I are tired anyways, dude." I declared._

"_Yea… what he said." Shuichi agreed._

"_Alright, cool then." _

_._

_._

_._

_Somehow I had the feeling he wasn't going to give up easily. His darker complexion glistened in the light of the fading sun as he smiled his signature, mischievous smile. He was up to something._

"_Three," he intoned slyly, starting the countdown. I glanced at Shuichi only to find him grinning. Confident bastard._

"_Two." Preparations began stealthily, muscles tensing, and gait just a touch faster. Our eyes caught each other's, a silent agreement passing between us._

"_One." His figure began to vanish into the background behind us, the wind cool against our bodies. It was just Shuichi and I - side by side by side-by-side, running like there was no tomorrow._

* * *

How in the hell am I supposed to explain this to him this time? I completely blew it! I was supposed to protect him and what have I done? I couldn't even clear out the room.

As the orderlies settle Shuichi to his bed I leave to make a couple of phone calls.

"**BEEP** - You have contacted Zack and I'm not available right now probably doing something you wish you could – ya dig? I'll hit you up whenever – **BEEP**"

"Nice to know you didn't change your number. I'm at the hospital right now and Shuichi is checked in. I don't even know if you care anymore, really. Shuichi's back and now is surrounded by people he doesn't know and just had a panic attack. I'll contact the rest to see if we can arrange a way for us to meet up. Some help would be appreciated."

I hung up. Now relieved at having sent the memo, it was time to call more people. I wonder if they even care anymore– especially after what happened. I know they tried their best but in the end, they still _left._

"**BEEP** – You've contacted the one and only Gia. Leave your name and the reason for this call. I might get back to you- only if I like you though! - **BEEP**"

The same message was also left for her. She would jump in joy if she saw Shuichi then smack him in the face for worrying her only to kiss his cheeks afterwards– _girls. _I roll my eyes.

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

"Yo."Finally!

"Kazue?"

"Bruh, do you have any idea what time it is over here?" I could hear a panting voice behind his. Something along the lines of _'Is that good baby?'… _typical.

"You're clearly busy." I can't even keep a straight face because Kazue has a moaning girl in this bed.

"No one is picking up – I'm at the hospital right now and I've been here for days. Sorry I didn't consider your time."

At this point I just needed him to concentrate.

"Seriously?" I could sense the irritation in his voice. It really isn't a big deal since he can be in the same position the night after and every night 'till he died if he wanted. He wasn't going to budge unless I threw a bomb at him and detonated it.

**"Shuichi's back."**

That's all it took. I heard a thud then a slam of some door - _success._

"Explain – now."

Well … that was demanding.

"Sakano found him on the street outside our studio one night and checked him into the hospital. He's been in a coma for three days only to return as he was. Its been kept from the media, obviously, but things are just getting worse. I can't do this myself, not again." I exclaimed in one breath, finally happy to get it off my chest.

"I'll be there with the others as soon as possible. Gia is working with this new artist and God knows what Zack is doing. How is he? Shuichi, I mean."

"He's heavily sedated because of the panic attack he had after looking in the mirror. I should have never let him look in the damn mirror." I was venting.

"Oh yea, I almost forgot. He's skinny and _pink_ now!" He chuckled "I'll never let that down just so ya know. "

Nice to know nothing has changed with him. Shuichi needs that, in some sick twisted way. "Tell the kiddo we'll be there & help out."

I bowed as if he was currently in my presence. "Thank you."

"No need, we should've never left him. We thought it was over. Plus, does he know about this famous boyfriend; that Yuki fellow right? I never met him and all but I feel as if I wouldn't have liked the guy. Maybe its the media but he comes off as a stush, egotistic, typical, trust-fund, pretty boy and a over-hyped Sex God with a tad of arrogance - probably cruel for icing on the cake."

"Sounds like someone I know…" This was a sitcom in my ear!

"Listen, I'm not overhyped. I get whoever I want, whenever I want alright."

The way he just justified himself shows me he hasn't changed much. But thinking back to Yuki...I'm stuck in the process of trying to think of a way out of that.

"More importantly Kaz, Shuichi is going to be infuriated when he hears about him. It's not like I can hide it since it only takes one damn Google search to find the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!" I stopped realizing I shouldn't be taking my anger out on Kaz.

"Whoa, whoa there cowboy, just tell him it was a public stunt or something. Make blondie agree and the CEO guy– whom I heard was creepy by the way– and you got a master plan yo. Chiiilll."

… That actually could work. I guess I could make it a little easier for Shuichi this time.

"Just imagine all the intimate moments I can fuck up in the immediate future." Somehow I felt like this reunion could wait a very long time.

"They weren't intimate. At least in THAT way." Why am I explaining myself to this fool?

"Yea, yea… and Hiro – we miss you and the pink fuzz-ball. You're not in this alone anymore so don't worry 'cuz we got your back now." The thought made me smile like I wasn't about to face hell in a couple of minutes. The double thumping that followed was probably him patting his chest like a gorilla.

"Appreciate it." I hung up and looked at the room in front of me. Nothing could prepare me for the questions I was about to face.

Before I could enter Seguchi walked out with Mika. They mentioned how there's a driver arriving and he's going to take them to their house. A discussion was sorely needed and only I had the answers. I received the look of death from Yuki. His golden orbs pierced through my body and for once – I was actually fearful of what was to come. It's a shame; I really was just starting to root for him. Guess he's on his own now.

* * *

_"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives meant the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."_

_- Henri J.M. Nouwen_

~XIIVA


	4. Shattered Facade

_Eiri and Shuichi finally reach equilibrium only to find that their balance has tilted yet again. Not everyone gets a "Happily Ever After" …._ _or maybe some are just extremely hard to work for._

Story is rated T and may change to M as it develops. Constructive Criticism is always welcome. The pairing right now is mainly _Eiri/Shuichi_ but I'm willing to listen to opinions.

I've hit over 700+ views in less than two weeks. Thank you for the support & I'm in this for the long haul! The next chapter might not be uploaded for awhile but please tell me what you think!

Chapter Note: A lot of confusion might take place so bear with me.

CHAPTER MAKEOVER: 05-10-14

Thank you and please **R&R.**

**Disclaimer:** Gravitation didn't have this much angst last time I checked.

* * *

**YUKI**

The transition from the room to my car is a complete blur. The voices in the room went through one ear and out the other. I didn't need to hear anymore, I just got up and left them without a word. This couldn't be happening; there was no way it was. He looked at me like I was nothing - NOTHING. I'm Eiri Yuki – the man every woman either wants to be with, wishes they were with, and/or wants their significant other to be.

I parked the car and arrived at my door to enter this vacant place that is my home.

"_YYUUUUKKIII!" _This massive orange – covered creature just slammed into my chest.

"Shu?" No, it isn't possible because he's in the hospital. Great, now I'm hallucinating, I won't even acknowledge "it" as Shuichi.

It started pouting. _"Why didn't you tell me you'd come home late? I cooked all this food and you didn't bother to tell me! I'm sure a fancy guy like you can text his 'Fiancé'" _It's eyebrows rose twice.

Did I hit my head? Maybe I'm stuck in a dreamlike state in the driver's seat because I impacted with some drunk driver or maybe I'm dying in the ambulance as we speak.

"_Don't look so shocked Yuki, the kitchen is still in one piece – CHEESE" _It started jumping all over the place presenting how everything was still intact. I don't believe my brain is though.

Shit, it's coming closer.

_Munch_

"Aaaahh!" It bit my ear! It actually came and bit my ear!

Where did it go?

* * *

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

"What?"

"Eiri, I'm so glad you picked up. I'm right outside your door, please open it." My limbs weren't following my instructions and defied me by opening the door. "Why were you screaming?"

Tohma being here was one thing, but a concerned Tohma was worse. I assume "Shuichi just bit my ear" wouldn't suffice. There was no answer especially when I didn't have one for myself and he seemed like he took the hint.

"Thanks for letting me in, I must say I'm sorry for your loss." I could only stare as he put his gloves on the comforter. How dare he?

"Shuichi's not dead." I said in a monotonic manner. The anger bottled up in me was slowly seeping out of my pores. How I'm containing it - I don't know.

"Of course." He was taken aback, but soon regained his composure. He nodded, understanding his mistake.

"Now lets talk about the strange turn of events today. So it turns out your lover and Fiancé of three years was a pathological liar. You've been fooled and screwed over by Shindou for keeping you in the dark. How were you supposed to marry someone like that anyways?"

So this is suppose to be my fault? Was I really supposed to notice something disturbing with him when he was an open book? Only a fool would think there was something deeply wrong with him because if he felt even an ounce of sadness he would create the ocean with his tears not minding where he was. I had to engrave every word of Hiro's explanation into my conscious just to make sense of it.

* * *

_We're all seated awkwardly in Tohma's living room since we've never all been here together. No one wanted beverages and excused any attempt of hospitality. There was a common goal and that was to get the whole story on what took place a couple hours ago. Hiro began noticing the tension in the room._

"_Shuichi and I spent most of our adolescent years in a small town in California. Yep, America all right." He continued and ignored our confused faces. I guess that explained the English, but why would Shuichi hide that?"He grew up in a foster home next to my junior high. He arrived to the school as the weird new student. The only person he got along with was Kazue at the time; he didn't get along with anyone. Kaz was my friend and introduced Shuichi to me, Zack, and Gia, my friends." _

_He waved his hands brushing off the fact that we were unaware of these people. _

"_We became inseparable ever since; especially when we found out we had the same ambitions and goals for the immediate future. We always got together and developed our music whenever we had the time, propelled by dreams of becoming famous. Shuichi never talked to that many people, but with us he let himself go. Not even a year after we met him, we noticed how he would randomly become excessively cheery and hated it when we called him by Shuichi, not Shu. He would cry for no reason, like a simple fall would shatter his very being. The whole thing was very weird."_

_Hiro shook his head as if he was reliving this very scene in his head. _

"_You have to understand how weird that was for us because our Shuichi doesn't cry, he's not clumsy, nor does he 'skip' around. Towards graduation we had our camping trip for five days and the events that took place couldn't have been more peculiar. Shu danced around the campfire, created the sappiest songs and got creeped out by simple horror stories."_

_No one dared to interrupt even though I could see the questionable looks across the room. These characteristics were accurate though – Why am I already missing him?_

"_Shuichi was changing before our eyes and we didn't even know why. The day after our arrival back – Shuichi was at my door acting hysterically! He asked if the camping trip was cancelled because the bus never came to his door. He kept asking like he needed confirmation not for the trip, but for himself."_

_At this point I understood and I could tell the others did too. This was like a horror movie – it was so tragic it could have been one of my novels!_

"_I told Shuichi that we already left and came back. The duration of the trip was five days - and the next thing I know he's crying in front of my door. The only thing I could do was bring him inside and all he could say is 'its getting longer every year, its getting longer'. You see, at that age I didn't understand. I didn't understand anything when it came to Shuichi; I just thought he was secretly bipolar and I waited for him to tell me when he was comfortable. I told my parents and they referred him to a psychologist. His diagnosis was Dissociative Identity Disorder also known as Multiple Personality Disorder."_

_It felt like the room lost oxygen as everyone sucked in their breath as if it was their last. Hiro's just staring at the floor and I can tell he's trying to ignore us – or maybe he's just scared of looking them in the eye, especially me. He is at fault here. After all, he was more aware than any of us._

"_Shuichi kept telling me not to tell anyone. How could I not, especially when the others noticed this behavior? They eventually found out as time went on and they did their own research. 'Shu' would pop up sometimes and we'd have conversations with him regarding Shuichi. Shu stated multiple times that he doesn't like being in Shuichi's mind. It's too gloomy and dark and being outside is more fun, like some fucking kid. Shuichi hates it when he speaks inside his head so he likes to get out sometimes. He would reveal himself to spread his wings and breath since he said he didn't even have the right to think. We could tell Shu was younger than Shuichi but he never told us his age. I still don't know. My theory is Shu got so fed up he stayed. He actually started staying long enough to affect Shuichi's physical appearance. He started changing his image and stopped most of Shuichi's habits such his health regime. We asked every day when he would let Shuichi come back."_

_He stopped for a moment to prepare for what he was about to say next._

"'_Shuichi's never coming back guys so stop asking me.' is all he would tell us."_

_Gasps took over the silence in the room._

"_Isn't it like that American movie 'Sybil'?" My sister spoke, and honestly she seemed more interested than shocked._

"_The main character in that movie had multiple personalities ranging from age to gender and different drawing techniques since she was an artist. I believe Shuichi only has one which is 'Shu', otherwise we would have met the others by now." Seems like K understood this more than all of us. Tonight is going to consist of some research - at least until the shock fades._

" … _and we're so thankful there's only one. Shu was so stubborn. When we realized it was a lost cause we just tried to get to know Shu better." Hiro paused to correct himself._

"_Sorry, only Gia and I wanted to get to know Shu better. He was never fond of Zack and Kaz so that resulted in a conflict.. They refused to admit defeat by refusing Shu altogether, I guess. Shu decided he wanted to pursue his musical career in Japan and not America, unlike Shuichi. As time passed he disregarded Gia completely and 'till this day I still don't know why. I'm the only one he's got left so I had to arrive in Japan with him on a whim."_

_I could choke this fool for keeping this secret. I finally spoke._

"_Shuichi is the dominant and Shu is the alter-personality?"_

"_Yes."_

"…_and Shuichi is basically wondering who the hell we all are now, correct?"_

"_Correct"_

_I don't care how clueless I look, I need answers._

"_How does Shuichi not know a thing when Shu knows everything! What am I suppose to say? 'Hey Shuichi Shindou I'm your fiancé you just don't know it?'"_

_I couldn't believe this. Is he even gay?_

"_I assure you Shuichi and Shu are both into males…" _

_Oh, I didn't just say that in my head._

"_...however, there is an issue. Shu likes the idea of love; it's a fairy tale he's always wanted to live – and he almost had it. Shuichi on the other hand hasn't had a single monogamous relationship. He claims it as a weakness so for him to actually look at you, you're going to have to lie Yuki. This here.." _

_He motioned to Shu's picture on my lighter – 'our' picture._

"…_was a publicity stunt and nothing more."_

"_What?" I exclaimed._

"_Exactly as I said, Yuki. You can form a friendship with Shuichi if he wants, but if he ever finds out he was engaged to you, you'll be in for a world of hate. He'll see it as nothing more than a violation. Sorry but…"_

_He disposed of our whole relationship in a mere sentence. All I can see is red._

"_Hiro, isn't that a bit extreme."_

_Tohma finally spoke in my defense._

"_Shuichi shouldn't make it a big deal if he had a consensual relationship with an established man like Yuki here. As you said yourself Shuichi's also a homosexual so this should be of no issue."_

"_No. Yuki don't get me wrong I'm not trying to get rid of you. If anything, this is to help you. I wasn't fond of you in the beginning as everyone here knows, but I was rooting for you because you made Shu happy. I thought Shuichi was gone permanently, and I accepted it. Three years is a long time and please make this as easy as possible for my friend – he's already traumatized enough. If you want anything to do with him please follow my instruction since I am, after all, the only one that knows him. Plus, you Seguchi need to understand if you still want him you will follow what I say. No ifs, ands, or buts. If you guys don't agree – the other three can easily confirm." Hiro ended his guilt trip._

"_Hiro? You said California? Was Shuichi Shindou his official name?" K started questioning Hiro._

"_Yes. What're you gonna do? FBI search him?" He sighed as if that was expected._

"_Well, you never know, lets just say I'll start from scratch."_

_He put his gun back in his pocket. A moment of silence took over._

"_So how's Shuichi like to work with?" Little Fujisaki spoke._

"_Simple, Why?" _

"_Because he went off on me tonight Hiro! You all saw it – the 'brat' call me a brat!"_

_Oh yea, we forgot the way he described us. I'm apparently the foreign looking man. Seems like the kid took it to heart._

"_Well, you'll get to know Shuichi very soon, so here is my warning." Even though he has no right, Hiro's face showed irritation with the kid. "He doesn't tolerate disrespect…" He looked at me. My feet can't stop tapping the floor - Hiro is really testing me. "…Sly comments…" Now he looked at Tohma. "…Abuse of any kind…" K was now looked at and his gun."…and being belittled at any given moment…" Fujisaki received the glare and with that Hiro left the house seeing as there were no more questions for him._

* * *

A huge headache was the result of replaying the whole disaster in my head and it was emerging at a rapid pace.

I thought Tohma would be of some help - clearly I was wrong since he didn't hesitate to refer to my fiance as 'dead'.

"There is nothing to say, just leave. We'll deal with this mess tomorrow. I just can't right now."

I grabbed some coffee and sat across from Tohma not even offering him any, indicating my intention. He got up and sat next to me acting completely oblivious about my goal to kick him out. He threw his arms over my shoulders and I feel like I'm breaking. He needs to leave. Now.

"Get out."

"You don't feel betrayed? Your life partner didn't even tell you he could disappear any day. Shu played stupid Yuki, with no consideration to kept living his life without a care that he would ruin yours in a flip of a switch."

He snapped his fingers for more emphasis – like I didn't already understand. He's right about something though.

Everyone's worried about 'Shuichi' not caring to notice what Shu did to me. Questions are the only things I can form in my mind.

_**-Haven't I already been through enough? **_

_**-What's going to take place from now on?**_

_**-How do I look at him every day and not hug him, touch him - kiss him?**_

_**-Wasn't our relationship at a stage where we could be completely honest?**_

_**-Did he think I would disappear and abandon him?**_

_**-He knew every ugly and twisted part of me. Why wouldn't he involve me with his?**_

_**-Weren't we whole?**_

No, he was a liar, a shameless liar. Every hug, smile and promise he ever bestowed upon me was a lie.

Why is it that Tohma's the only one that could understand what I'm feeling?

He starts saying these words and I can feel myself getting weaker like that 'other' time.

All I remember hearing were perpetual claims of how I defended myself. How this child saved his own life and escaped a very possible tragic event – the celebration of being a cold-blooded murderer. Only he took apart and reassembled the puzzle that was my conscious. _"I know you loved him." _It felt so wrong but the relief I had from hearing it out loud was all I needed. My feelings were never judged in his presence. I can remember the screams that turned into cries as I held onto him for dear life.

This is the closest we've been since then. He pressed closer to my body, slowly inch by inch and with his hot breath on my ear he whispered … "I know you loved him, Eiri."

**I was transported back in time.**

* * *

"_What they had wasn't ordinary, or subject to the ordinary rules of relationships and breakups. They belonged to each other totally, and always would, and that was that. But maybe everyone felt that way? Until the moment they realized they were just like everyone else, and everything they'd thought was real shattered apart." ― Cassandra Clare_

~XIIVA


	5. Behind Bad Luck

_Eiri and Shuichi finally reach equilibrium only to find that their balance has tilted yet again. Not everyone gets a "Happily Ever After" …. or maybe some are just extremely hard to work for._

Story is rated T and may change to M as it develops. Constructive Criticism is always welcome.

Chapter Note: I'm not a doctor of any kind.

_Thank you and please R&R._

_UPDATED - 05/24/14_

**Disclaimer:** The Plot! It's all mine. Everything else isn't – *sad face*

* * *

**_CLAUDE K. WINCHESTER_**

_Roosevelt Middle School Student Files__ – **Breached.**_

_Searching – SHUICHI SHINDOU_

_._

_._

_._

_Occupation:__ Student_

_MALE_

_Height:__ 5'4_

_DOB:__ 04/14/1992_

_LOB:__ Tokyo, Japan_

_Hair:__ Black_

_Eyes:__ Violet_

_Blood Type:__ AB_

_Weight:__ 129.3lbs_

_Parents:__ N/A_

_Guardian:__ ROSS YERAN_

_Address:__ Oakland Youth Group Home_

_USCIS #__: N/A_

_SSN:__ N/A_

_- PENDING STATUS_

_- ILLEGAL ALIEN IMMIGRANT_

Hours and hours of searching and Hiro's story seemed valid so far. Apparently, Shuichi had been in the foster care system for most of his life as his parents had died in a house fire. The case is closed, but _ARSON_ remained in question. The tragedy happened to expose the fact that both his parents and he were illegal since he wasn't a natural born citizen. How he had actually managed to live in America for 15 years with no documentation is beyond me. Yeran took legal guardianship of Shuichi to prevent his deportation and filed for residency. He also had some connections with important people of the system. If he hadn't left when he did he definitely would have been deported within three months after the incident.

Truthfully, I'm still baffled that I didn't take the time to thoroughly search and study each member of Bad Luck. I had been more interested in Shuichi's relationship because that had been the source of every single damn issue. I had been so wrapped up in his current drama it didn't even occur to me to complete a file on him. Music or not, he still is a client. This whole situation is a huge blow to my ego. Shuichi appeared to have been an open book and a man of my skill should have already noticed something uncanny with the boy.

Moving on …

* * *

_Oakland Youth Group Home Resident Files__ – **Breached**_

_Searching – _SHUICHI SHINDOU

_._

_._

.

**Transfer File:**

_._

_._

.

_- **Transferred from Keerie Foster Home of James Keerie.**_

_- **Progress Report:**_

- Doesn't participate in activities.

- Goal is to remain isolated.

- Negative influence to his foster siblings.

- Symptoms of Depression.

Conclusion: **HIGH RISK**

_- **Transferred from Thompson Foster Home of Liam Thompson.**_

_- **Progress Report:**_

- Remains dishonest and detached.

- Left residency multiple times without permission.

- Periods of over emotional behavior.

- Resident might suffer from depression, possible suicide risk.

- Psychological evaluation is recommended.

Conclusion: **HIGH RISK**

_- **Transferred from Santos Foster Home of Jose Santos.**_

_- **Progress Report:**_

- N/A

- Resident disappeared within 24 hours.

Conclusion:**HIGH RISK**

_Group Home Progress Report_

- Resident labeled **HIGH RISK** however; he has not exhibited dramatic behavior as stated in his transfer file.

- Does not converse with other residents.

- Resident has been arrested a total of 3 times for assault, leaving the facility without permission and petty theft but has avoided Juvenile Detention thus far.

- Currently attends Roosevelt Middle School and has made some new friends outside his home. Social skills are not shown in the home to result in outside friendships and this is abnormal but will be supported. Progress comes differently to every resident.

- Has an intention of applying for the Independent Living Program (ILP).

- Adoption Status: **N/A**

**_Signed: ROSS YERAN_**

* * *

Okay… This is not the Shuichi I'm familiar with. There are multiple reports of him causing harm to himself and to others. I guess this answers the question of why he was never adopted. Unfortunately, a file just describes a person; it doesn't define the actual person itself. Either way, I need to keep an eye on him from now on.

_OAKLAND COUNTY MEDICAL FILES -__ **Breached.**_

_Searching – _SHUICHI SHINDOU

Seems like it states that Shuichi was physically fine. His levels were average and vaccinations were up to date because of school policy, but I can't seem to find any sort of psychological evaluation. Was Hiro lying? That wouldn't make sense since I witnessed proof less than 24 hours ago and he would have nothing to gain from this. He did mention that his parents sent Shuichi to a psychologist.

Lets see…

_OAKLAND COUNTY MEDICAL FILES -__ **Breached.**_

_Searching –_ NAKANO

_._

_._

_._

_Searching – _SHUICHI SHINDOU

**_- FOUND_**

There ya go. Seems the Nakano Family fully funded this and at a cheap price too. Family friend I assume.

* * *

_Psychological Evaluation provided by Dr. Saito Takahashi Ph.D._

**_06/02/2008_**

_- Patient: Shuichi Shindou_

_- From what I was told by Nakano's youngest son Shuichi shows symptoms of DID, but I have yet to see them._

_- Patient didn't seem to respond well._

_- He would constantly repeat on how abnormal he was and that's why he was here._

**_06/13/2008_**

_- Patient showed extreme anger because of his time lapses. I still have yet to determine if this is because of the other personality/personalities or if he was in some catatonic state._

_- He revealed to me how his body is a train jumping from one place to another and he's just a passenger, not the driver._

**_06/19/2008_**

_- Patient brings pictures of himself from the supposed camping trip that exposed the severity of his symptoms. It is clearly shown how happy he is in the photo album, but he almost seems childlike. I now have reason to believe the patients' alter-personality (if any) is of a younger age than the host._

**_07/09/2008_**

_- Patient showed me his new lyrics for an upcoming show with his band._

_- He never wrote them._

**_07/14/2008_**

_- I could feel the patient slipping away. The physical evidence of his alter personality seemed to have been the final straw. I kept stressing that he has to be strong to not only face this, but also understand it and live with it._

_- The Patient has discovered that the alter-personality took over the only thing that kept him sane – his music._

_- I still have yet to give him an Official Diagnosis._

**_07/22/2008_**

_- Patient was late._

_- On a peculiar note: Patient dyed his hair pink and shows muscle mass decrease._

_- Acted odd throughout the appointment._

_- I would love to take the credit of his sudden happiness, but that's not how life works._

**_08/08/2008_**

_- I met him today._

_- He tried to fool me but didn't work. Their personalities were too distinct._

_- He preferred to be called Shu._

_- Alter-personality has the same race, gender, sexual orientation and similar name._

_- I'm still concerned about the age._

_- Patient officially diagnosed with DID._

**_08/24/2008_**

_- Patient hasn't shown himself in days._

_- Shu has arrived to every appointment._

_- He speaks of all the performances in this place called "Underground"._

_- Even though he loves his art he doesn't seem quite fond of the band, especially the two males "Zack and Kaz". This is mainly because they want his host back. Understanding such a thing would be a challenge to an alter-personality._

_- I'm apprehensive of what's to come._

**_09/04/2008_**

_- I was told by Hiroshi Nakano that the alter-personality has been aware of everything. I have witnessed this myself._

_- Shu states that he doesn't like being stuck inside the Patient._

_- I've stated multiple times that he needs to let the Patient out._

_- He expresses his dislike for "Gia" - I believe this is because she's too aggressive for him._

_- He still has yet to tell me his age._

**_09/15/2008_**

_- Shu is more open than the patient._

_- Patient has experienced some PTSD from his parents' death and the extreme bullying in his foster homes._

_- Shu has told me details of the abuse and I can come to the conclusion that Shu was created to deal with those traumatizing events._

_- Shu may appear more immature, but his mental state is solid as rock and is without a doubt much stronger than the Patient._

**_09/30/2008_**

_- Patient has yet to show himself._

_- Shu is no longer associating with the Patient's friends. This may raise some issues since they were also the Patient's support system._

_- I came to the conclusion that the Patient might be too weak to resurface._

_- Perhaps he chose to be imprisoned within his own body?_

**_10/02/2008_**

_- This will be our final appointment._

_- The Nakano's have informed me of the move to Japan and I'm highly against it._

_- Shu shows signs of a healthy male, full of dreams and ambitions. He shows no signs of anxiety and depression therefore, no need for medication. No longer a suicide risk._

_- … Progress was made on the wrong personality._

_- There will be problems when (or if) the Patient returns._

**_END REPORT_**

You can say that again Doc - Shuichi's just one product of Bad Luck after another.

I took out my phone to contact a no longer trusted but skilled man hoping to get more details regarding this Yeran and Dr. Saito Takahashi. I should have a Nobel Peace Prize for the things I have done and still do for Bad Luck.

_IMPORTANT - I sent you some files and information on two personnel. Think you can discover some things outside of these official reports? _

I plastered my body on the couch with my hot black coffee and continued browsing. Seems like Yeran took a special interest with the kid and his files are squeaky clean. The supposed community hero can't be perfect. Everyone has their skeletons and his will eventually float to the surface.

As I was getting comfortable I felt a vibration on my thigh. I received a text message.

_CALL?_

I really wasn't in the mood but I guess sacrifices are meant to be done in the name of good. I took the initiative to dial first and took in a deep breath.

"Hi K. Nice to know you're still alive and kicking I see."

"Yea, alive and kicking. I'm guessing you've read the e-mail." I cut straight to the point, talking isn't my forte at the moment.

"Pretty crazy shit if you ask me. I don't think I can get to it tonight, it's kind of late but I'll get to it as soon as possible." I could hear the smile behind his voice, the kind that represented the hope of a rekindled friendship.

"There was no one else." There really wasn't. I pinched my nose and hoped to God he did not misunderstand.

"I see." He paused a moment. "Don't worry you can trust me." He paused again probably to re-evaluate what just came out of his mouth. _Did he say trust? "_At least now I mean, I hope."

"Listen, like you said its getting late. Please message me any further details. Appreciate this, night." I couldn't hang up fast enough. I put down the phone to go to the restroom and wash up.I let my long wavy mane fall as I stared at the mirror above the sink and steadily stripped off all clothing. I was not in favor of a quick shower tonight so I made a bubble bath dripped with my favorite scented oil, lavender. I went in limb by limb and felt every muscle loosen as a result of this chaotic day. All I could do was stare at the tiled ceiling and breath. My phone was kept to my side and it almost fell in as it vibrated across the bathtub edge. I rapidly pick up the phone to reveal a text message that made jaw clench and all my muscles tighten once again.

_Thanks for reaching out K - Ark._

I guess Shuichi's not the only product of Bad Luck.

* * *

_"Perfume was first created to mask the stench of foul and offensive odors..._

_Spices and bold flavorings were created to mask the taste of putrid and rotting meat..._

_What then was music created for?_

_Was it to drown out the voices of others, or the voices within ourselves?_

_I think I know." - Emilie Autumn_

~ XIIVA


	6. Man of the Hour

Eiri and Shuichi finally reach equilibrium only to find that their balance has tilted yet again. Not everyone gets a "Happily Ever After" …. or maybe some are just extremely hard to work for.

Story is rated T and may change to M as it develops. Constructive Criticism is always welcome.

Chapter Note: _Italicized _= English.

A/N: I would really appreciate reviews so I know whether to continue with this or not. Thank you.

**Disclaimer:** You might want to visit Dr. Saito Takahashi if you believe I own Gravitation.

* * *

**SHUICHI**

"He was serious?"

"Yes Shuichi, Fujisaki was serious. Like I said a million times before." Hiro explained.

"We've actually entered mainstream my friend!" I let out the loudest and only laugh since I woke. Hiro joined in and we were almost in tears on my bed.  
"Yea, I can't believe it sometimes. You should have heard the others when we did our debut. They were going crazy!" He used his finger to circle his head and gave me a heart-warming hug.

He came in my room this morning to help me pack my stuff since I'm leaving the hospital today. The smell of antiseptic only made me groan and being confined to a bed, heavily sedated, living off of microwavable food wasn't the best way to spend my time. The doctor that was assigned to me explained my condition to my now known boss, as Retrograde Amnesia and that I should regain my memories with time. Obviously I have no memory of the accident and acted as if the whole thing was fuzzy or a blur. If only he knew.

This whole thing is still so surreal. Apparently, I accomplished my dream. The days of _Underground _are over. I was so excited at the future and with processing this this new information; it took me awhile to actually really notice the clothes I was folding. I held the clothes in front of my face and had a staring contest with it. The actual clothing was simple but what made them stand out were the colors – orange. What man with dignity wears tacky neon orange in a full sweatshirt? Dear lord I have a feeling I'm going to have to change my whole wardrobe. Speaking of that, this hair needs some attention not to mention my body. I don't know if this was a trend now but looking like a prepubescent boy is not attractive. Time to hit the gym.

"Please tell me you brought me some decent clothes." I begged.

"Already took them out of my bag." He passed me my outfit that was placed next to my bed.

A simple black-T with leather sleeves and dark denim pants paired with a plain belt and black sneakers.

"You know me too well." I gave him a large grin.

"Yea, sure. Here you go." He tossed me some sunglasses and put a bag over his shoulder. It's almost the evening so why would I need these? "Get ready our ride is waiting outside."

"I know I have my moments dude but I'm not a complete douche. Seriously?" I gave him a confused look signaling to the glasses and I got one in return.

"Famous, remember?" He walked out.

Oh.

It took me a moment to catch up and nothing could prepare more for the ambush.

I was blinded. Bursts of light smacked my face, lash after flash it continued. I think the sunglasses prevented me from becoming blind. Don't these people have lives? All these reporters are swarming me demanding answers to questions I don't even know. Leeches, that's what they were.

_How severe were your injuries?_

_Why isn't Yuki Eiri taking you home?_

It kept going and I can't seem to locate Hiro. Guess I have to take care of this myself. I took off the glasses and faced the camera and I could imagine all the people watching in their homes, bars and phones. It really hit me.

_How is everything with Yuki?_

_Is Bad Luck's tour schedule still intact?_

"It's been a very tiring day. I appreciate your concern and I understand that this is your job but, please remember, I'm still human. All I ask is for privacy. As for now, no comment. Good night." I gave them the best smile I could accompanied with a quick bow.

Silence engulfed the room as a response and I took this as my cue to leave the building immediately and find the halfwit guitarist. I headed out the door to finally see him leaning next to a limo and he was too busy looking at the stars to notice my presence. _Earth to Hiro_ – I guess a smack would suffice.

"Ouch!" He turned around to face me expressing his pain.

"Why did you leave me to fend off the lions? 'I'm famous, remember?' Isn't that what you kept saying. Because it seems like you forgot." I was about to blow a fuse. I was asleep for God knows how long and I can't even go home in peace.

"I knew you could take care of it without making a scene." He grinned at me and flicked his now gorgeous hair, the nerve.

I decided to forget the whole issue and go inside the limo. He joined me soon after and the unknown driver behind the tinted started the engine.

I stuck my head outside the window like an electrified dog to look at the scenery as we drove by. The view consisted of tall skyscrapers, not just some ragged run down houses with trash filled streets. No, the road was packed with beautiful cars, the sidewalks were full of people with purpose. It was freakin' Japan and I was in it with money and status. Not only do I have fans, but I have fans that help me make a living off my art. I wonder how my life is like? I at least know how it won't be like anymore. A huge weight was slowly lifting my frail shoulders and turned to look at Hiro. I was not alone, I never was but something was missing.

"Even though I feel like I saw them yesterday, I miss them." A look of confusion was first shown then his facial features settled.

"I know buddy, they'll be here soon I promise." He patted my head and moved it towards his shoulder for comfort.

"Still, we're not together as a band. We've reached our dream and they're not here with us. I wonder what they're doing right now? Kaz killing someone in a freestyle, or Zack making beats for all these artists, or Gia… She was supposed to be with you. The guitar duet, man you guys could blow up a room." This reminiscing brought sadness.

"I can assure you we're all successful, but when it comes to the other stuff...Things change Shuichi." I was making him glum.

"Yea…"

I decided not to reproach the topic any longer. I need to live to the fullest to overcompensate for the lost time. Like where do I get to record my music? I bet the concert venues were just massive. Oooh, I want to see my music videos! Will they blow me away or be cringe worthy? Wait, Shuichi you need to slow down and start with the basics. A drink sounds like a good idea. Better yet, a bath once I go home …. uuuuh. The gears in my head came to a screeching halt.

"Where do I live!?"

"I'm surprised it took you this long to catch on." Hiro answered with a slight smirk.

"Was it some mansion or did I live with you?" No response, just crickets. "Where are we headed to right now if you're not gonna answer me!"

"We are headed to NG Records Headquarters right now and as for everything else, you'll know in due time." Hiro answered evasively.

This was going to be a long ride.

* * *

The building was crystal clear cut… well almost. All I knew was that it was too high end and chic for me. Every person said my name and bowed, as I walked by. I'll have to get use to that. NG Records, it sounds familiar. I guess I'll have to check that out too and do my own research one I get access to a phone or a computer. When we reached a door the plaque read TOHMA SEGUCHI CEO. I knew the creepy blonde was waiting inside, sitting in his chair near his desk facing the back window only to swing around petting some quirky pet. Okay, maybe only in movies. Cool movies, though, I might add.

We walked in to notice him on the phone. I was almost right; he was sitting in his desk after all.

"I'll take care of it….okay….I understand. I have to leave …mmhmm. Consider it handled."

Well that wasn't creepy. If I see someone dead on the news tonight I have every reason to think of Seguchi. He hanged up and his face was beamed with the fakest stardust since I've seen Ross. A smile like that can only contain some secrets and once again I felt that same shiver up my spine. _Who are you Seguchi?_

"Welcome Shindou-san, Nakano-san. Come in." He motioned to the chairs on the right of his enormous office. "I believe Nakano-san has filled you in with the basics."

"Done, done and done." Hiro responded. I simply nodded.

"Great, that sure saves us some time. If you'll follow me to the conference room please." He left the room and went across the hall. Turns out the same audience from the hospital were there minus the intimidating lady in red. At least now I could put some names to the faces, especially the green haired kid, Suguru Fujisaki, the miracle synthesizer._ Please._

We gave each other a nod of acknowledgement and sat down indicating that we were all ready to being.

"Thank you for your patience, we will now begin." Seguchi grabbed a remote and pointed to the projector on the wall. An image of Bad Luck's first album came out. I tried really hard to contain my stoic face because this felt soo wrong. I never imagined me looking like, that.

"Bad Luck premiered as of three years ago. This here are all the lyrics from all three albums, I trust you'll take the time to memorize these." He nodded to the American who I now know of as K. Stacks of booklets were stacked on the table near me. Seguchi continued before I could even take a peek. If it's anything like what _he_ wrote before, this interruption was a blessing.

"The tour that Suguru mentioned a couple days ago is actually not as big compared to the rest you've had. I will give you all the DVD's of your past concerts if you need it. You will report here every day at 1pm to practice for the tour and take mandatory breathing exercises since you are not familiar with performing long-term live in one go." He looked at Fujisaki and sat down. He now began.

"We were fifty percent past out fourth album before the … incident. Lyrics will be needed as soon as possible for at least 3 more songs and Hiro and I will create the beat with it. You can rewrite the other three if it's not up to your par if need be. However, I fear we may not have time, considering that you have to memorize previous songs." He sat down and K and Sakano took over.

"We will arrange your shows and conferences to balance with your sessions in NG. Also, the booklet you have received also contains the tour destinations." Sakano bowed and sat back down. Shocking, he didn't cry this time - at least he looked somewhat okay today.

"Questions from the interviews will be looked over prior to the shows. Trust me, there will be no funny business under my watch." K winked and flashed his gun.

Did I mention gun? The crazy man had a gun in his possession and was now facing my cranium. Hell no. I happened to like mine very much, ya know. Since I can't get another one!

"K! You can't be flashing a gun at someone. You seem to forget that ain't normal, K!" Hiro was baffled.

Fight or flight … easy choice.

"_Point that at me again, and I will end you._" I glared at him and made sure he knew I was serious.

I received multiple looks mostly from Hiro and Sakano. Fujisaki must have been scared since his knuckles were all tense and his face was red. Can someone say awkward?

"Ugh, sorry - please continue." I wanted this to end. I also wanted my almost blown cranium on a pillow and I rubbed my temples to smooth out the irritation creeping up on me.

"_No problem_, this baby is just a symbol of my dedication towards this band. Habits are sometimes hard to break." He waved his head and put the gun in his pocket with a grin after he gave it a quick peck, creepy.

"Moving on, we have another issue at hand… The media." Was the dramatic pause necessary?

"The beloved persistent people of entertainment media came up with multiple stories of your stay at the hospital. It's your job to squash them."

"I would know what to squash if someone..." I coughed meaningfully "...gave me access to a damn phone." All indications were pointed to Hiro with a large blinking red arrow.

"That was for your own good Shuichi. There is something we need to discuss. I know you've already seen Yuki, but I'm sure you're wondering who he is." K continued.

"His name is Yuki Eiri. He is a successful author in Japan and my brother-in-law." The boss stepped in.

"During the time of your debut we had to make a rash decision about your career that we believed was necessary. It seemed that you didn't have the personality to keep the media interested so we came up with an idea." Could he sound more monotone? He was standing with perfect posture and his gloved hands were in front of him on one another. I could feel the room become tense like before the climax of a horror movie. This was just unsettling.

"I'll take over Seguchi." Hiro got up and did a quick bow. He slowly looked at me and began.

"You asked where you lived and the answer is you didn't live with me. You didn't even live by yourself. You shared a house with Yuki." Okay… I lived with Yuki? Did I hear that right? Even an idiot can put two and two together. I couldn't even say anything, I just got nodded so he could move on and finish the horror story.

"That's because Yuki was your boyfriend."

* * *

**NO.**

Bo..Boy..Booo. Damn it I can't even repeat it – I was cuffed! Like some girl!

"You're lying, you know I don't _'do'_ boyfriends Hiro." I frowned at him then at Seguchi.

"What the hell does this have to do with my career anyways? Are you saying that my music was so bad, so shitty, so uninteresting that I needed to do a publicity stunt?!"

"It has nothing to do with your music Shindou-san. It was because of…" I cut the boss man off.

"Yea my personality! So what, I'm Yuki's little bitch on the magazines? Do I hold his arm with ice cream at some park?" I was now directed at Hiro. "Is that why you wouldn't let me near anything!? How could let them sell me out like that after everything we worked for?" I've had enough! I just wanted out. Before I knew it I was on my way out the door despite the protests. Once I realized something I turned to face the people in the room.

"So where do I go now?"

"I get that you're angry but we have arranged a hotel near the headquarters. In order for you to progress faster, I would suggest you live with Nakano." K was just so sure of everything today. I'll show the American.

"I want the hotel."

"Alright." Boss man raised a skeptical eyebrow. This was not over.

"I also want all my information regarding my bank account. Dammit, if I did not own a laptop I need one. I want all my credit and debit cards in the morning; every damn magazine since my debut, interviews, shows appearance and you best believe I want a hard copy of my contract with NG. If I find anything unsatisfactory there will be alterations unless you want hell within the media because one of its biggest stars filed a law-suit. "

Oh, they have unleashed a monster. Shuichi is going to take control of his life one hundred and ten percent. K rubbed his forehead with one hand and Seguchi didn't ponder long.

"Whatever you feel necessary, Shindou-san."

"Yea, because you always know what's necessary." I huffed showing my irritation to the boss man.

Sakano stepped in without hesitation.

"Please don't take this out on Seguchi-san. He is the reason why you even got signed. He personally scouted you. NG is the reason why you are where you are. Please have some respect Shuichi." His gaze flicked to me and he allowed his face to smooth out. I think it took him a lot to say that to me. Credits for his effort but he couldn't be more wrong.

"I am where I am because of me." It felt a little wrong taking credit for my alter-personality but it was still me dammit! It was as simple as that.

"Shuichi, hey man, you have to cut us some slack. No one thinks any less of you because they think you were with Yuki. Our music kicks ass and we have the reviews and sales to prove it; he was just used to put our foot past the door." Hiro's saddened face looked at mine and held my hand. I'm so disappointed in him. We already lost three members of our band to be replaced with … Fujisaki; he allowed this absurd stunt and too much more to count. At least he's here, I guess. I sat back down on the table with him and allowed myself to relax.

"No matter how you feel Shindou-san, this situation worked out for the better." This wasn't making sense at all. This mainstream scene was living more up to its dreadful reputation by the hour.

"Why would a successful author want to do a stunt like this with a singer, much less one of the rock genre? Was everything going down-hill for him?"

Boss man nodded in protest. "It was simply a favor."

"I see… Can we change this? I want to do a public break-up ASAP as in yesterday and nothing to cause a scandal!"

"Yes, but only right after your tour. People will assume your separation with Yuki or something related with him is what put you in the hospital." Fujisaki interrupted.

"Like you said, you don't want more press on you two at the moment, right?" He was right. I didn't want more media before my tour. The success of my tour needs to be strictly because of my music. The green head was a little smart-ass I see.

"If waiting a month or two will accomplish this I guess that's a sacrifice I'm willing to take. But this will end." I waved him off as he sat back down satisfied, and so did the rest.

"I honestly just want to go home." I hesitated realizing how childish I was sounding."This is just too much to take in right now. We'll talk more damage control tomorrow if possible. Until then I'll avoid the paparazzi and give no comments."

"There's no reason for you to go to a hotel 'till you get your place. You'll stay with me for the time-being, no arguing with me." Hiro grabbed my bag as if he knew I would comply and walked towards the door. I was about to stop him but he froze.

"That won't be necessary Nakano." A vaguely familiar voice entered the room and the room instantly stunk of nicotine.

"So nice of you to finally meet up with us. May I ask why you feel the need to intervene with our current arrangement?" Seguchi sighed.

"Simple, Shuichi will be living with me." I gulped quietly to face the new speaker. I locked eyes with the man who was now leaning against the front door with a fog escaping his mouth.

_The Man of the Hour - _

_Yuki Eiri._

* * *

"_No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book! That first book is already closed, ended, and tossed into the seas; this new book is newly opened, has just begun! Look, it is the first page! And it is a beautiful one!" ―__ C. JoyBell C._

~XIIVA


End file.
